I have a 16 month old. I finally just starting balancing my entire life. Being a mom, wife, full time employee, social life..... we weren’t planning this and I only had a very small chance of even getting pregnant and poof it happen right after I had half my reproductive organs removed. I wasn’t happy when I found out I was even thinking about abortion. Then I started to get a little happy about it. Now that feeling is completely gone again. I don’t feel like I’m ready to put my body threw this again and take care of two kids under two years old.

I feel like I’m not even myself. I’m miserable. It doesn’t help that I have no one to talk to. I have zero friends, my husband doesn’t understand everything fully and me and my family don’t completely get along. I just feel alone. I’ve been in denial this pregnancy I’m nine weeks along. Been trying to quit smoking. With my daughter it was so easy to stop cold turkey because I was so excited for her. This time around I’m freaking the eff out which makes me want to smoke but I’ve been trying my best to not do so much at all.

I don’t know what to do. I just needed to vent. I already go to therapy and church neither have helped me in this situation at all.

Will I ever get that excited feeling back? Will I ever be happy about this pregnancy or am I just going to continue to be miserable?