I am torn.

On one hand, I want it to be over and I want things to go back to normal. My relationship with my family is strained to put it lightly, because they’re very conservative Christians and I’m a sexually active atheist—this would be another very significant hurtle to our relationships. I’m in school. My mental health isn’t good and has gotten worse since this. It’s still early in the pregnancy and so it’s more humane.

On the other, I have the resources to carry it to term. I am scared of getting an abortion—I was raised prolife so I have every line internalized. I feel like I’d be a worse person and disappointing some of the closest people in my life and I know they would think less of me if they found out. I’ve heard even prochoice women who have had them say that it changed their life forever and that they regretted it.

The father knows and says he will be supportive no matter what. But as comforting as that is it doesn’t narrow anything down.

I realize that being irresponsible and selfish got me into this mess but having that pointed out does not get me out of it. I need advice now that I am in it. I’m talking to my therapist and my cousin tmrw to try and figure this out but I need as much input as I can get.