Yes, I am feeling guilty, more because I did not think about how they were going to kill the fetus?? And now, half a day later, I just learnt a new term, “feticide”. The drugs or process docs use to cause instant feticide. Omg, this healing is going to be tougher than I thought. The baby’s dad pleaded to the doctor (hopelessly) to get her gal baby out in one piece. Even I knew that is not possible because the doc had clearly ruled out that option the day before. And just now I learnt about another new abortion procedure called “intact dilation and evacuation” which we could not get. Geez, and both of us don’t believe in God and please don’t judge me for that. I just don’t believe in idol worshipping & when there is so much pain the world around us. Please tell me how to cope with this loss of a future😓😓. All I meant to do was mitigate our grief by not waiting until 36 weeks (if the pregnancy would have sustained for that long) to deliver a still born or have her die in my arms soon after. And use some of that time to try again. But it is not that simple as you know. This is the lowest phase in our lives right now.