** i just need support so please be kind **

I began to watch porn since i was a kid. I remember looking at it when i was 6 or 7 years old. I was so intrigued by it that i would always try to find porn or just video that had sex in it. I think listened to porn at such a young age distorded the way that i saw sex. For a long time, sex wasn’t special for me. It was just normal because i was too used to see twisted sex and not real sex.

When i met my first boyfriend, he was a compulsive masturbator and so was i! We were capable of talking about sex and porn so easily and without shame. But when we began to evolve as a couple, i started thinking about all the porn that he was watching and the fact that he was pleasuring himself really affect my mental health and i didn’t know why! I think that it’s so unhealthy for me to feel depressed and mad because he’s just pleasuring himself because he has all the right to do it!! But this feeling just kept growing and growing to the point that porn is now isn’t allowed in our relationship... the more i was becoming a woman, the more i would felt betrayed by his used of porn because porn just use women for pleasuring men mostly. My self esteem is so low that

I dont really know where i’m going with this post.. i dont really know if i’m going to get response but i just needed to share my concern on my bad and low self esteem who’s keep wrecking my mental health. I know that i NEED to see a sexologist to be more comfortable with my body, my sexuality and my boyfriend sexuality but i can’t ask my mom because she is going to ask too many question that i don’t want to discuss with her so at this point imm just lost and i don’t know what to do..