This is long. If you read to the end, thank you because I’m at a complete loss for what to do. I have been dealing with my alcoholic husband for awhile. He’s always drank quite a bit socially but didn’t used to use it to cope or start and not know how to stop. Lately it’s gotten really bad. He’s promised to stop. We have a new baby because he did quit for a stretch of a few months (I wasn’t going to have a baby with him when he couldn’t control himself) and now it’s just progressively gotten worse. It’s a long story but just trust me...it’s bad. Meanwhile I’m still on maternity leave and have been taking care of everything at home and with baby by myself.

Tuesday night he stayed up late at home drinking and then was too tired to go to work (his work hours are flexible so it’s not like he was jeopardizing his job). He told me he was going to do a couple things then come home and take the bay so I could sleep because I’m exhausted. He wound up staying gone all day long. Stopped and drank with a friend and showed up at home completely wasted. We’ve had problems with a deadbeat neighbor who dropped a tree on our garage roof and has junk spilling onto our property all the time...so my husband in his drunken state decided to break out the window of the neighbors van to “even out” what we had to pay for the damage to our garage roof. He knocked on his door and told him what he did and why. I don’t know how on earth he didn’t get the cops called on him but so far.they haven’t showed up and it’s over 24 hours later.

In the process of me trying to get him back into the house I took his phone because he was threatening to call the cops on himself. When we went back in and he sat down, I opened his phone because I knew he was going to want it back but I wanted to change the passcode on it temporarily so he wouldn’t be able to use it until he sobered up. When I opened it up, it was on a conversation he started with this woman we have known a long time. He was asking her for pictures of her boobs. She responded and said no, she’s too fat. He kept trying...talked about how when he was there helping her husband cut down a tree and she was in the pool that’s all he could look at. Told her she looked great and that he thinks he likes bigger women. She’s about 20 years older than me and probably 80 pounds heavier. I’m about 5’5” and only 125 pounds so I’m pretty petite. Ive always been self conscious because my breasts are only a 32c and I know my husband is a boob guy. Then he does this. He hasn’t said anything to me about looking good in over a year.

Today he has acknowledged he screwed a lot of stuff up yesterday. He has called to get professional help for his drinking and get treated for depression because he thinks that’s why he drinks. But he wants me to promise I’m not going to divorce him. He says if he loses me and our son he’ll probably just spiral out of control and I agree that he will. But I don’t know what to do. I feel completely betrayed by him asking some other woman for pictures. I know some people wouldn’t view that as cheating but I do. He did something similar when we were dating but we got past it and nothing else ever happened until now. I feel so shitty about myself...Like I’m not even his type anymore because apparently he likes bigger women and I don’t fit that description and never will. And then him taking the time to tell someone else they look great and he couldn’t stop staring at her boobs. He says he only said those things to her because he was drunk and that he loves my body and my boobs but...I just keep crying. help me.