So I’m posting this more to just clear my head because I don’t really have anyone I feel like sharing this with personally. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for one. We have a 20 month old son and I am expecting our second boy in April. I have always been the one to handle finances and bills, etc. I’m ocd about making sure things are planned for and paid on time, it has just worked out for me. We have always had separate accounts and never got around to joining them after we were married. He just throws some money my way when bills are due and we call it a day.

I have always been very conscious about not spending money I don’t have. My only personal debt is my car loan. I have paid off all school, medical, and credit cards as things arise. I paid off our wedding bills within a few months. I have great credit. I’m on it. I also have always made the effort to talk to my husband about the same things and making sure he is doing well himself. I ask straight up about bills, debts, credit cards, and credit scores and he has always told me everything is good. We literally talked prior to starting ttc this baby about being in a good spot to start looking for houses. So now fast forward to today.

Our current lease is up at the beginning of the year so I’ve really been wanting to go ahead with a mortgage approval. Been talking about it weekly but he’s been hesitant saying it might be too much at once with the second baby arriving shortly after. I get that but I’m over renting. I finally got some downtime during my kiddos nap so I started the application and texted my husband at work. He had been busy today so I hadn’t heard much all day, no biggie, it happens.

He gets home from work and sits down with me and proceeds to tell me that he has been lying for 3 YEARS about his finances to my face. That he has had two maxed out credit cards totaling $15k in debt at this point. That it started before our son was born, before we were married. He says he always thought his job would get better and he’d get it paid down but things kept happening and now he’s here making the same “shit pay”. I am just beside myself. I can’t yell I can’t cry I’m just sitting there like an idiot.

Now I know that $15k isn’t a lot compared to how bad it could be. But it’s $15k more of debt that I didn’t know about and haven’t a plan for. We didn’t have to have our wedding. We didn’t have to honeymoon. We should t have started trying for a second kid. I shouldn’t have started an application for a mortgage and taken the credit hit. I didn’t need to spend money on clothes or my hair and stupid stuff. Like all the stuff that has gone on over 3 years is just filling my head. And over those years I know for a fact I have given him a million chances to talk money with me. But I didn’t know any better because I thought we were good. And now as I’m saying all this, I feel so stupid for not pushing harder, for not double checking him myself. And I’m just so hurt over the lying. Plus pregnancy hormones.

Anyways, I guess I just needed to put it out there and try to process it. I don’t know how to even start to handle this. I guess I’ll be figuring out how to pay for this as well even though I’d really love to be selfish and just say figure it out your damn self. But that’s how I got here. Ugh.