Cleared by the doc but...

I didn’t get intimate last night.

Let me explain.

My husband and I have actually been really eager to get back to intimacy ever since I was 3 weeks PP. I imagined that it would be like before, maybe even better, I don’t know. What I wasn’t expecting was my emotions and even slight fear hindering our, what was supposed to be, romantic night.

When it came time for a actual intercourse, I hesitated, moved my hips away, and of course then felt bad.

My husband kept asking if it hurt or what was happening. I wouldn’t necessarily say it hurt...it just felt weird, uncomfortable, and dry. He didn’t even go fully in, but just the little that made it in was enough for me.

For the rest of the night I just felt sad and down. Sad that I thought my “area” would feel the same after giving birth—I should have known it wouldn’t. And down that I got my husband revved up, and even myself for a little, but couldn’t “perform” how I thought I would.

Am I alone? Has any other mom found their first time “back in the saddle” NOT what they imagined or just simply not enjoyable?

Side note- I did order water based lube from amazon this morning. We tried Vit. E oil last night.. it didn’t seem to increase anything for me or make it feel good.