I need help. Depression

I need someone to at least try to put themselves in my shoes. I’m roughly 38 weeks pregnant. My life is falling a part now more than it ever has been. And I’m depressed. Am i wrong or selfish for trying to force myself into labor... i need to do it because i feel like i need to save him from me. I haven’t had a drink, but I’m dying to have one. I cant eat.. i know i need to and i try so hard to force myself through it but i just can not. I cry everyday, I’m stressing about so many things i dont think there’s any way possible ITS not hurting him. Someone just please tell me I’m making the right decision. At 33 weeks he weighed 6 lbs, heartbeat 156. Im almost certain he will be okay, just please tell me that what I’m doing is the best for him. I cant be strong any more