Sometimes life is just unfair...

Sitting here squalling.. Now, mostly bc i started and cant stop... But originally because all ive ever wanted was to be a momma.. My whole life. Everybody around me whether its friends, or family my age is having a baby or just jad a baby. Ttc is hard... Bc this plan was to wake up before my husband and test before he left for work so that he could be here if/when i test positive... I had the best dream last night. I dreamt that i had a daughter. She was so tiny and sweet. And looked just like her daddy... So naturally im optimistic when i wake up to test at 4:50 a.m., for it to come back negative. Im 15 dpo. I havent gotted af yet, but i SHOULD definitely be testing positive right now if i was pregnant. I just feel almost like a failure... Drug addicts, people with 10 kids already, people who DONT WANT a baby.. They get pregnant on accident all the time.. I feel like i cant even do it on purpose.