Should have waited 😓

So I just had a baby four months ago and I think I should have waited. I’ve been depressed for a long time and I thought a baby would make me happier but surprisingly it doesn’t. My bf, the baby’s father doesn’t make me happy for some reason either. Nothing seems to make me happy and I really don’t understand why but I’m thinking I should have waited to have my baby because how can I teach him to be happy/love when I can’t do so myself? I want to tell people like family and friends I’m depressed but I’m scared they will worry so I just keep it to myself. I’ve been having bad thoughts lately idek what to do.