The title says it all. I mean. I can’t exactly explain it but I just know that this shit is getting harder and harder as the days go by.

I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. All my 6 month old does is cry. Litterally. She could be fed, bathed, changed. She STILL CRYS. Unless she’s being held and I know it sounds bad. But I don’t want to fucking hold her anymore. I feel like I haven’t put her down for the whole 6 months she’s been here and I just want 5 fucking minuetes!!

She wakes up constantly at night and half the time she’s not even hungry. She just wants to cry and I’m convinced that she is beginning to think that crying is a the only way to communicate. - I mean. It is. She’s a baby. But fuck. All Day?! Every fucking day?!

She’s started biting!! So when I feed her she bites my nipple so hard she draws blood. She does it every time and I’m beginning to dread feeding her out of sheer anxiety and terror that she is going to bite me.

Honestly. At night when she wakes me up screaming her head off for no fucking reason. I fantasise just leaving her with my husband, getting in my car and driving away.

That’s how bad it is. But the thing is

I don’t know how to explain why or how I can be feeling such negative emotions towards her! One day it’s like I just want to walk away from her and then the next feel like the peice of shit mother that I am because I look at her and see this innocent little baby who needs me.

I do love her. I know I do because the thought of any thing happening to her makes me sick to my stomach.

But she’s so hard to deal with!! I want to scream and yell “JUST SHUT UP!!!!”

I cannot stand her!!!!

How is it even possible to love someone and at the same time want to run away from them!!

I need help. I know I need help. Fuck. I really need help.