abortion at 16

well i haven’t been on this app for a while partly because my phone broke during my hectic little “fase”.. but i came here to talk in case anybody is going through the same and honestly because i need to just properly let it out

my (ex)boyfriend of 5months and i met up for the first time in person and also had sex for the first and only time this summer and tbh the relationship was really rocky and we both knew that it wasn’t going to last but yh..

so i knew he was clean and vice versa and we didn’t use protection, i was on my most fertile day (if that’s how you say it) anyway.. i only realized when i got home and naturally i did some home remedies that supposedly work as “day after pill” without actually having to buy one

DON’T TRUST THE INTERNET ON THAT ONE

anyway, i was going to move about a week after this and in that week we just completely drew apart... i had to run after him that whole week to force him to actually admit that it’s better that we separated ( all the times i had he would say that nahh and it’s just because he was busy) at this point i had no clue, dreams or thoughts i was pregnant

i moved to my new country with no real relationship or friendship with him, in fact, i had said to myself that i didn’t really want to continue talking to him for reasons i’m not gonna say because it’ll take too long

anyway, he had this thing to pop up randomly to stay significant

like when i was in the plane he posted saying he was single and deleted when he saw that i was still online and proceeded to say “ly miss you already babe” and other stupid things but at that moment i didn’t want to waste energy so i think i replied with a heart

we didn’t talk after that until i realized my period was late.. at first i was enjoying it because that way i could make the most of my summer and then i became worried when it was a week late.. all my friends told me to do a test and i was still joking about it because maybe it was anemia again

i told him not very seriously about the situation, he had always joked saying i was gonna move to my new country with his kid and we talked about it and his response was very .. i don’t even know

anyway... when i hit 2weeks late i finally bought a test

of course it was positive, i had been feeling sick, gaining weight already even and my skin was pleading for help.. my food needs were off the roof

angry at the world and myself for letting this happen right in an important time of my life with maybe the worse person to have as the father

i kept it to myself and lied that it was positive to my friends

to some close friends i told and they helped me even from far away.. i started at my new school a week after the test (about 5weeks pregnant now)

i had went to a hospital with a friend but they said i had to go to my family doctor

all this and it had to be a secret from my parents (they don’t even know i’m sexually active yet)

so.. i was really struggling

i ended up going to the family doctor with a girl from my class! that’s felt for some reason i could trust and till today she hasn’t disappointed me

i was 6/7 weeks when i went and in my country it’s legal after 16 without parents knowledge but only in the first 10 weeks so i had to get a move on

i found myself skipping school to have to go do scans and blood tests and everything ..

i did most of this alone and ended up reaching out on the day of the operation to a friend so i wouldn’t leave alone, she was very supportive ( i was 9 weeks)

in all this, i was failing at school, had no phone and no contact with most friends

had to lie around my parents

sneak around and it was horrible and i never want to feel it again

in all this.. i told my ex i was pregnant and i told him i was gonna take it out and i also said he should learn to control himself because not every girl will make the same decision i made and trust me it was hard to make and till today it haunts me but i had no choice

after that conversation where he gave no support or said anything remotely caring

just “yh i don’t do it with anybody random though, it’s because you were my girlfriend”

oh and he’s gonna he 20 btw but yh he seems 16 right

he didn’t ask when, how, with who, payment method (it’s free but yh) LIKE 0!!

when i was alone, waiting to do my first ultrasound, he texted out of no where ( he didn’t know where i was or what i was doing because as you can tell, he didn’t care) to tell me he MISSED ME

can you imagine?? the million ways i imagined killing him.. he couldn’t have picked better timing

and the second time was shortly after my operation when i posted a picture of me and he said “ly!”

i mean props to him because he actually lives his life care free you know

i cut this boy out my life and i am moving on and trying to get on track at school and juggle being alone without my family for the first time (they were here while this happened because they were helping me settle in) but anyway

if anybody needs to hear this, things do get better even if it takes time and don’t settle for less than you deserve

if you even got this far that is