Torn send help

So backstory, ex husband and i got married and divorced. We remained friends he would fly in see our daughter amazing guy father we just couldnt be together. Well yeah we have hooked up a couple times but nothing happened. Nothing until NOW! I tested yesterday thought i waa going to be happy but im not.

We aren't married famlies hate eachother and us lol. I just got out the army so i dont have salary leave or free healthcare im buying a house in a month (closing) starting a new job in February for the VA and he drives semis. He said oh ill come off the road but thats a pay cut. But then im like damn i like you but i dont want to be with you forever i like hoeing and dates lol. I just got a breast lift from my last daughter. Idk. But wait! I always wanted a boy a 4th of july baby my daughter to be a big sister both my kids will have the same dad and i know he makes cute babies. Again he is a great dad i just want better if that makes sense.help! I called the clinic and its 600$ and call me dumb but im like man thats going to dip into my closing costs and other stuff i need and savings but im like 600 now or 600+/month for daycare.....sigh...talk me though this pls.