I just honestly which I could kill myself sometimes. I literally think and stress about so much even little stuff even stuff I shouldn’t think about or worry about. I’ve let things in my past and childhood basically fuck me up mentally that I don’t know how to fix myself I don’t always know how to be strong I find myself asking all the time like what’s wrong with me? I try not to show it much on the outside but Ik sometimes I seem unhappy and it’s not with anyone it’s just me like I’m fucked up it’s hard to explain. And I think about death all the time self harm or others harming me. I think about if I would be able to harm myself and sometimes I want to but there’s one thing in my mind like saying are you tired enough yet or can you take just s little bit more bullshit. And I always pick more even though I’m breaking down inside I find myself feeling so numb all the time. Trying to block everything out and just dwell in the depression. I can’t talk to anyone. But even if I let them know what truly goes through my mind Ik I’ll get judged they won’t understand or they wouldn’t want to deal with it. I’m seriously thinking about quitting in April and just leave everything and just run away and get a break. I gladly will stress and worry about everyone or thing else just to get a break away from my thoughts. I feel like giving up, very close to it, there is nothing really holding me here cause I don’t have kids. I know there’s ppl who genuinely love me but I can’t talk to them and I don’t want to get help because I’m so afraid I’ll get judge and lose everyone anyway cause who wants to deal with someone crazy.