I need help...please..

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m about to type a lot but please read it... I just need answers..

A lot has gone on and I don’t know how to feel about it

We moved to a foreign country and it has caused be nothing but more pain

My life was picking up by the 8th grade, not as much drama I had a small healthy friend group and then all of a sudden we lose a lot of money to due to my mothers gambling, she was always working but when she wasn’t she would spend her days at casinos, my dad didn’t do anything but complain about it...he didn’t even try to fix it he would just yell..it didn’t help that my brother was also a wreck...vaping and having underaged sex...I started developing this mood and I just wanted to leave..I was and still currently in a relationship with a person i really do love, I know I’m young but still..even if your young or old being taken away from anyone you love really hurts. I moved to the Philippines and since then nothing has been good, I got to see my moms side of the family yes but...I don’t always understand what they are saying when they speak in tagalog. I went to this school that claimed it spoke english. That was a lie this school dumped 7 projects one me the second week of school that were due in less then 3 days, I couldn’t even understand the directions of the projects and the teachers weren’t approachable at all..

I ended up transferring to this international school and it speaks English but...the classes are horrible and it’s insanely expensive for a poor school....I hate this school so much...the people there don’t like me because I complained about the lack of work they did in group assignments(my complaint meant nothing to the staff cuz I’m just a kid) I made one great friend but she is depressed p, I see new cuts in her arms everyday an I get so scared, she almost killed herself at her school here before because she was severely bullied. Too much goes on nowadays...I go home every night and I can never sleep, I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m frustrated and I don’t understand any of it my older brother is turning 18 soon and is moving back in 7 days because he has a life back home (his girlfriend is pregnant). I’m gonna miss him so much...he’s the only person I could ever talk to, the only one I could really rant to because he understood. Ive been here for 5 and a half months now. Ive tried adapting, Ive tried fixing my sleep schedule but for some reason I’m always sad and wanna cry. I’m frustrated that I can’t get anything done anymore. I don’t have the will to get out of my bed..but I do anyways cuz I don’t want to be yelled at. I want to do online school...but I’m not about to make my mom pay even more money for my education. I want to live through this one awful school year before I approach her about me wanting to do online school.

Im scared..

even now as I’m typing this. This world is horrifying, my heart aches, Ive lost so much, I spent 9 years of my life in 1 house back home and I got all of it taken away from me, I don’t want to be selfish, I don’t..but i want something to go my way at least once

I hate always being sad

Even on an ok day I’ll just randomly get sad and start thinking and want to cry

I lay in bed for more than 3-4 hours trying to get myself to fall asleep and it’s so hard to the point where I just have to wait until I’m really exhausted but by then I’m only getting 3-4 hours of sleep...

Maybe I’m homesick but I’ve always been sad about something

Life has its turns but I’ve had enough of it

I’ve met so many bad people and bad interactions that I’m just scared to talk to my parents or even my friends about it. I want to be ok I want to live through this but it’s so hard when I feel my world is crumbling...

I’m not ready to see it fall

I want a life that I’m ok with living..

Not whatever this is

I’m constantly in pain

My dad yells and complains for little reasons

I’ve warmed up to my mother more but it’s still quiet

My brother and I have fun ally started to bond more but now he’s leaving me

All the friends I’ve made in this country are leaving in march when the school year ends and I don’t wanna be alone anymore...I’m scared

I get too mad during the school days

And I cry when I get home..

I don’t think that should be a repeating cycle

I don’t know how to talk to my parents about it

Last time I cried in front of my mother she just thought I put was because if my grades..

No..

It’s so much more than that...

So much I can’t explain unless I have your full attention...

But I don’t wanna bother anyone...

It’s been 5 and a half months here and it feels like hell on earth

I don’t wanna do it anymore