Please help dont scroll by I don’t know what to do

I’m sorry for the long post but I am so lost and so sad and scared and defeated. Please help me

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Last year we got pregnant on our first try and I miscarried at 10 weeks. It was so devastating to both of us and I feel like that may have been when our problems started. My husband is very analytical and doesn’t show emotions well so I just let him be and didn’t push him for how he was feeling or anything.

The last year after that has been tough, we never had an active sex life before this and after this it became worse but I thought our marriage was getting stronger. I started hinting around I wanted to start trying again and he was very hesitant. We have friends who have a baby girl and have had 7 total miscarriages before and after her and so he was scared of it happening again so again I didn’t push.

At the end of July we were out with some friends and I went on his phone to change the music we were listening to and I see a text message from this woman (about 10 years his senior) saying “Hey handsome”. I didn’t bring it up then because I didn’t want to ruin our night. I did bring it up later but he told me it was a woman he used to work with a long time ago and he hasn’t seen or spoken to her in a long time. I believe him, my husband isn’t a liar or a cheater.

That next Monday I can’t get it out of my head and I’m going CRAZY so I go over to his office (surprise him) and ask to see his computer. He doesn’t hesitate and I look. There isn’t really anything on there EXCEPT there is a ton of Facebook stalking of his women friends as well as an email from about 2 weeks before we got engaged with him and a woman friend (don’t know her, never met her) and it was a bit more flirty than I feel comfortable with. We go home for lunch and to talk and he drops a bombshell on me that since college he has had an addiction to pornography. I am obviously devastated. I mean people with those addictions are perverts (in my mind). They don’t look like my husband who is clean cut, a very successful business owner, family oriented, and faithful.

We end up going to counseling (his idea and he chose the counselor). She was awful. She would just let us (me) get pissed and duke it out in her office then send us on our way. Sooo not helpful.

Well on October 5th, I came downstairs on a Saturday to find him at the kitchen table. I immediately thought someone had died because he had tears in his eyes and instead he said “I can’t do this anymore” and left to his see his parents who live about 4 hours away. We were in counseling for about 2 months only.

Guys I was devastated. I cried so hard and begged him not to leave me, I begged on my knees to stay with me and work this out but he left. I also decided to go to my parents and didn’t know if I was going to stay there forever or what I was going to do.

Eventually I came home that Tuesday (he came home Sunday, we have a security system so I could see it) but moved some thing out and am staying with my brother because I want him to go to sleep in OUR bed and see OUR wedding photos on the walls and live in OUR marriage home.

I gave him 2 weeks and never bothered him with texts or calls or anything. In the meantime I had emergency surgery on my gallbladder and they repaired a hernia due to throwing up so hard for so long.

I finally asked him if I could come over last week ( 2 weeks and 1 day after it all happened) and we talked. He cried through most of it and told he he loved me so much and would always love me but that he was so lost and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t pressure him for anything and didn’t yell and remained calm through the entire thing.

Now he texts me nearly every 2 days or so and it’s a back and forth that lasts like 10 minutes at a time but so far there hasn’t been anything about getting back together or divorcing or anything

I know he spoke with a lawyer, because I found discovery papers (NOT SNOOPING! I was looking for my checkbook in our kitchen drawers and saw it) but it’s been like 2 weeks since I found them and they’re still not filled out. I know there isn’t someone else. He’s not a cheater.

Please help me and let me know what you think. I am so sad and lost and all I want in the world is my best friend back.

Update 11/9: I gave him a ton of time. A little over a month and then 2 days ago I just broke down and decided I couldn’t wait anymore I needed to know more. If I was waiting for nothing or if I was waiting for something. I asked if we could talk and he responded almost immediately asking to talk THAT NIGHT. I had a bit of a panic because I though I’d have more time to decide what to say but I went over and just let him talk instead. Long story short, we can’t imagine losing the other person without giving it everything we have first. So I am going to move back home next week and we’re going to do an intensive marriage counseling session all weekend with this woman in a neighboring town who is supposedly amazing. HE found this woman even before I came over to talk to him. We are giving us another shot to become the couple we used to be and I KNOW we can be again. Thank you all so much for the advice and sweet words. I have hope now where before I had none. I am excited for this new chapter with us together ❤️