I feel so ugly and fat

Even before pregnancy I hated sex, I hated dressing nice, I thought my makeup made me fake. Still to this day it's gotten so much worse. I take hundreds of pictures. Use thousands of filters and still I feel so disgusting. The fat on my arms. The scars of self harm. The uglyness of my stretch marks. The pores and flaws of my face. I've tried talking to my husband and even though through these talks he tells me how beautiful I am and how he only wants me I still feel like this disgusting human. I can't have sex with lights at all. The light of the TV is enough. I can't have sex with my clothes off anymore because of my belly (even if it is from pregnancy). Sex is so uncomfortable that it hurts so bad because I stress through the whole time about how I look or feel. And the worst of it all I hate being on top. I've lost weight thinking it was the number on the scale and even then I feel so bad I gain it all back. I see all these beautiful women posting beautiful self body pictures. From big girls to small skinny girls and I wish I had their confidence. Their thick skin. Me I just feel like a floppy bean bag.