I just need to vent!

Babies really can change a relationship! Everything my BF does, annoys me. I am so tired, I pump every 3 hours 🗣 I AM TIRED! I started work 3 weeks ago & I am late every single day. My baby will go to bed around 9-11pm. I have to work at 6am. I pump before bed & prepare her middle of the night bottles... she still wakes up during the night & eat at least 2 bottles. I stay up for 10-15 mins to feed her then another 10-15 before I can finally go back to sleep. GUYS JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HOW EXHAUSTING BEING A MOTHER IS! My bf literally has so much freedom. He plays the game after work, he comes to bed whenever. He barely holds the baby, unless I ASK... yes, I have to ASK 😖😖 in the morning, my boobs are engorged and I am tired!!! I set my alarm to 4am to wake up & get ready. I usually actually get up at 4:45-450, pump 30 mins, feed baby, dress baby (I am supposed to leave by 5:30... don’t leave until 5:50) I am late to work everyday... I AM SO TIRED!!!!!!!!! I literally have to get myself ready at night, sometimes I cannot even pee in the morning. I have to hold it until I get to work! My boyfriend wakes up at 5am, use the restroom for 10-15 mins then switch the car seat to the correct car... by that time it’s 5:30 (time for me to go... but I can’t because I’ve spent my entire morning getting baby ready after pumping after being up all night with her)

This morning I had a meltdown... I cried & I’m crying now writing this... my bf didn’t wake up until 5:20a. I told him “you’re the reason why I’m late everyday” he responded “your alarm goes off at 4 every morning... you don’t wake up until 5... you can leave I’ll get her ready” I WANTED TO CHOKE HIM SO BAD!!! Yes my alarm goes off at 4 but imagine waking up at 2:30 not being able to go back to sleep until 3-330 and trying to wake up at 4 IN THE MORNING!!!!!! And I can’t just leave! My baby will cry for her morning bottle with the bottle in her mouth for the first 2-5 mins until she calms down but he don’t understand that. He thinks oh she’s not hungry and remove the bottle. ITS SO ANNOYING. This morning, he put two different socks on her. Like one was super thick the other one was extremely thin & smaller! Completely noticeable. I lost it!!! Because he would never leave the house with mix match socks SO WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW YOUR CHILD?!?!

I am so tired of his laziness. I am so tired of complaining and feeling like the bitchy girlfriend! I don’t know what else to do or say. I just want to be single. It’s not fair that we are together yet I still feel so much stress and loneliness. I might as well be alone, right?!?!?!

I know he loves our daughter. But he’s just so lazy. I didn’t get a paycheck the whole October but I paid my half of bills for that month. So not being paid in October has put me back a little for 2 weeks in November. He has been picking up my slack recently! Which I am appreciative of But I need more help!!!! This is so hard and tiresome!!!! I have 5 million jobs to his 1 job. It’s not fair!