I am so stressed and I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. I work upwards of 50 hours a week. I am a full time student in my last year of my program, I have two very sweet boys (ages 5 and 1 1/2). My husband is great. Don’t get me wrong. The 20th is our nine year anniversary. He stays at home with our children and he’s great when he’s great, but I know that he is extremely depressed. He doesn’t have his license, so he doesn’t get out of the house often. he has ASD which means he exhibits a lot of symptoms of autism on the spectrum. ADD, Anxiety, fixations, sensory problems, and depression among others. His depression has been really bad lately so I don’t feel like I can talk to him because I don’t want to make things worse for him. He has a very passionate personality, and things affect him a lot more dramatically than they do me and these things that are overwhelming to me will just make him stressed out to the point where he will freak out. He has a temperament and gets frustrated easily. He’s so sweet and would never and has never hurt me or my kids but he yells and our neighbors have called the cops because of how loud he can get. But he’s not abusive and never has been. They’ve called the police on him for being loud while playing video games before. I feel like we can’t live in our home. We can’t have any emotions or arguments or we will get the cops called on us. And he’s tried to calm himself down when he gets in a mood but like I said, he holds onto things and things affect him a lot more deeply than they do other people. Literally YouTube videos can get him going because something can remind him of something that’s happened to him or something that just is a pet peeve of his and he’ll go on like a half hour rant about some irrelevant thing simply because he was reminded of a negative experience or he didn’t agree with something he saw. His brain is amazing but it just works differently. But this also makes me feel like I can’t have a conversation about work with him, I can’t let him know how stressed I am or how much we are struggling. I try so hard and even often times prioritize him and our kids above bills. Which I know, is not good, but I just want them to be happy even if I am not.

I work as a taxi driver so my income is based solely on commission. Business has been very slow which means I’m not making a lot of money which means I’m not able to pay my bills on time. It’s been three months and a few of our bills have had to be paid late. I am diagnosed with anxiety and it affects me in the way where all of the worst case senarios of anything that could happen is ongoing in my head. So this just adds onto my high levels of stress.

I feel like this post is all over the place but I think I’m just trying to vent.

Anyways I don’t have family I can talk to, we are all estranged in the worst ways.

My husband is as amazing as he can be for his struggles, but like I stated before I just don’t feel like it would be fair of me to unburden myself on him when he already has so much on his own plate. I want to quit my job and find something more reliable but I know I have less than a year before I finish my degree program. I’m a very loyal person and don’t want to start something that I can’t establish myself in. And I like my job. When it’s busy, I make really good money. But when it’s dead, I’m making nothing and now the holidays are coming up and that’s just one more thing that I’m unsure if we will be able to afford with how things have been. My boss just hired two new drivers so on top of not getting any runs, I now have to share what I do get with another driver. We receive assistance with housing, but I make enough that we pay the majority, which is fine, our rent is always paid on time it’s just all our other bills that we struggle with.

But it’s not just money, There’s so much more that I don’t want to post to a bunch of strangers on the internet so they can shame and mock me and my family for things they don’t experience or understand. Like I said, I just needed to vent.