Possible trigger? So trigger warning?
So I’ve been doing this for a long time but it’s now starting to bother me? Well it’s bothered me but it’s never left me feeling this way after. So sometimes when my husband is feeling frisky and I’m not I let him have sex with me because I feel like it’s my duty as a wife and what I’m supposed to do. He’s never pressured me into anything and has never pushed me to when I’ve actually said no. He’s not manipulating me in anyway, I mean it he’s not making me feel pressured or holding me down or anything I wish to make that clear. What I was taught as a kid was the best thing to give your husband was your virginity (old and outdated I know) but I never really took that to heart but I guess I took that and it turned into I have to have sex with him because what else to I do? I’m always okay with it because I feel bad when he wants to and I don’t feel like I will get there/cum so I just let him finish. Well we did it last night but now I feel weird and kinda violated.. but I consented and I wanted to make him feel good so I don’t get why. I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t feel this way because I don’t feel like I did when I was raped by one of my dads co workers.. I also feel horrible bringing it up to him because he’s always wanted to make sure I’ve wanted it, I know I’ve “lied” to him in a way even when I don’t necessarily wanted to have sex but like I also like making him fee good? I don’t know I don’t know why I feel this way I guess I just wanted to vent? Because he’s done nothing wrong he wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t said it’s okay because he’s not that type of person at all.
I guess I just wanted to see if other people do this too?