Having a hard time

I have struggled with the aspect of sex all of my adult life (24). My first real boyfriend ruined it for me because he tried to have sex with me. I didn't want it, but to please him I tried. But he was never able to get in because I was too scared and too tight. But then he would make me feel like crap after because I didn't give him what he really wanted.

Now I'm with the love of my life. Almost two years now. He treats me amazing, only asks for other kinds of attention, and never pushes for sex. He has asked a couple of times, but never pushes. He doesn't even get mad if I say no to a BJ.

My problem is, I want to give him sex. But I'm afraid of the pain. We tried last month but he was only able to get his head in before the pain was just too much. We tried again the next day but couldn't get much further. A few weeks later, we went and picked up a toy thinking it was only that I needed to work on dilating, and we were able to get 7 inches in (the full length) but it really hurt. I only got it in, but then pulled it out because I couldn't keep going.

This brings me to my other concern. I have a spot in the outside that is slightly off color that hurts when ANYTHING touched it. From his fingers, to his penis and the toy. I have had this spot for as long as I can remember, and no before you ask, it's not changing, getting bigger or smaller.

What can I do to help me? Take female Viagra? Just numb it up till I don't feel anything? Help!