Frustrated with SO

Long post...

Alone again with this precious baby. Well, alone since 8am and now for the rest of the night. My SO decided to take a long shower and then went back to the bedroom. I could go back there and watch tv with him but it’s dark and I’m trying to train the baby to be able to associate dark with sleep and light with awake. There’s no reason why he can’t sit in the living room and hang out with us.

I feel like he doesn’t connect with the baby. And I feel like all of my time goes to the baby so I don’t have any left for him. But on the days I do have time for him I don’t even care bc I feel like he should be more involved with OUR child. She’s not just mine. But sometimes I feel like a single parent. Honestly. Example: a couple days ago he came home from work and went straight to bed. He text me on his way home and then said hi when he walked in the house, went straight to the bedroom, and then I had to go see him, while breastfeeding. Like u couldn’t come and talk to me, my hands are kind of tied up right now?! And he passed out. The only time he woke up was to heat up some food, and even then he didn’t check in on us.

He’s changed 3 diapers in almost 5 weeks. And the only time he’ll give her a bottle is when I ask him if he wants to. He’ll say “I can”... not like he really wants to. I’m EBF but I have bags of milk in the fridge so he CAN be involved. But then he doesn’t even burp her unless I tell him to. When I hand her to him so I can take a bathroom break or something he holds her and it looks like he’s uncomfortable. Idk if he’s scared or if he really doesn’t want to connect with her.

I feel like I can only hand her to him if she’s fed, burped, changed, and being happy. If she’s fussy he just sits there and tries to shove the pacifier in her mouth. U have to hold her, rock her, stand up and move, bounce, do something, ANYTHING. Try!!! But I feel like it’s hopeless.

My LO has been sooo fussy since last night and I just need 5 min to myself to regroup and pull my sanity back in. I went into the bathroom and turned the sink on and just sat there to get a minute of peace and quiet. I watched the baby in her monitor and she was screaming the whole time so of course all I did was went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and cane right back out. All while he’s in bed. Asshole.