I met my boyfriend in November 2018. He was 20, I was 17. Things escalated pretty quickly when I found out I was pregnant in February 2019 just 10 days after my 18th birthday. I was (and still am) on birth control pills but I believe the mistake happened when I missed them or didn’t take them correctly (which I’m now taking them everyday very consistently and normally and haven’t had problems since) anyway.. it was a really rough time for me, him, and my mom. I was so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. I was being pressured by him to get an abortion and he would breakdown every single day about how he didn’t want a kid and then I’d agree and say “alright I’ll have an abortion” (because I really didn’t need or want a baby this young either) but at the same time I felt heartbroken because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that emotionally or psychologically. The way I found out I was pregnant was so weird and unusual and crazy. I had actually just had a period about 10-12 days before I took a test and it was a normal period. I had no symptoms at all but I just “felt it” I just had this feeling that I knew. So one day while he was at work and I was sitting in his apartment by myself, I decided to go walk to the convenience store and buy a box of first response tests. I took one as soon as I got back and was shaking the whole time I took it because I just knew. The line came back but it was SUPER faint. Barely visible. He came home from work hours later to me sitting on the couch acting weird and being really quiet because I couldn’t be normal and I didn’t know what to do or how to tell him. He sat down and asked what was wrong and I just looked at him and started to cry. He said “you’re not pregnant are you?” I just shook my head yes and cried. He immediately freaked out and started losing it. He asked to see the test and we looked at it again together. He suggested we wait and take another one the next day. We spent the next few hours crying together and talking and then deciding to move on for the night and not think about it and just watch a movie and that’s what we did. Anyway... I took a lot of tests since that day and the line kept getting darker and darker. We confirmed it with blood tests too. So while the decision making was extremely hard (I knew what he wanted, what my family wanted, and what would be BEST for both me, him, and that baby) but I also knew what I wanted. But things couldn’t and wouldn’t work out perfectly like I would want them to so I was just so torn and so pressured. Everyday both him and I were an emotional wreck. I was a senior in high school and I spent a lot of those days going to the nurses office or the guidance counselor. I started bleeding and cramping about a week after the first positive test and was sure that I was miscarrying. I had a transvaginal ultrasound (only my mom came) and my experience with the providers I saw was awful. They didn’t have a clue what they were doing or talking about and most of them were rude. They told me they didn’t see anything in the ultrasound and with the bleeding and cramping that I most likely already passed it. (They were wrong. I saw the gestational sac which I pointed out to them but they told me it was something else like a cyst or something and acted like I was the stupid one because I’m 18 and don’t know what I’m talking about and I’ve never been pregnant before) anyway, I was way too early on for them to see a darn thing anyway (I was about 4-5 weeks) they sent me home and called a few days later to say my HCG levels were still going up. I told them the bleeding eventually stopped and I have no idea what to think or what’s going on. More days and weeks went by and eventually, I really did miscarry on March 9th in my boyfriends apartment. I was sitting on the couch and I felt like it was all about to come out and I got up ran to the bathroom and the second I sat down it did. All of it. I sat there for a good 10 minutes freaking out trying to hold it together because I knew what just happened. I got up and put a pad on and just stared into the toilet. I left it there and walked out of the bathroom sobbing and my boyfriend came to hug me and he said “did it happen?” I said yeah and I just fell apart in his arms. He asked if i flushed it and I said no that he can go look if he wants and he did. I called my mom sobbing and sent her pictures for proof and to be able to show the doctor. Went back to the doctor a few days later and they confirmed it. They did another transvaginal ultrasound (my boyfriend and my mom were both there for this one) and said they only saw the gestational sac and I was about 6 weeks. My boyfriend looked like he was about to pass out any second because it was so traumatizing for him I guess and that he really didn’t know what to do and he didn’t want a kid he just wanted it all to be over with. Fast forward to this month, November 2019, which would have been my due date. I still have days where I really want to talk to him about it because he’s the only person I CAN talk to about it and he went through it all with me. Every time I get my period it’s like PTSD trauma flashbacks. This month has been especially hard and I was thinking about it a lot yesterday and really wanted to talk to him about it but I know he hates talking about it and hates even thinking about it and he just said “let’s talk about it another day” and I just said okay. (Btw he moved about 6 hours away to another state for school at the end of October 2019 so that’s been super rough too) anyway, I said okay and let him have his day with family and all because it was thanksgiving anyways. I didn’t want to ruin his mood or anything but any time I bring this stuff up it always does that to him. I just don’t know what to do anymore because sometimes it still hurts even though I’m glad things worked the way they did and that I didn’t have to have an abortion and I know things would have been an absolute sh*t show now if I did have that baby. So I guess it was all for the best but I still have my days and it just really sucks not being able to talk to him about it. Him out of all people.