Husband getting upset over sex

This is a long post that I’m sure not many will read, but I have no one to talk to about this and just want to get it off my chest.

My husband is getting increasingly upset about sex and it’s making me very uncomfortable.

We have a two year old and I am working mother. I work very hard at my job and drive an hour each way for my commute. It’s stressful but my family relies on my income, as my husband’s job does not generate much at all and he is not willing to change jobs. As a result, I’m frequently exhausted and stressed which I’m sure impacts my sex drive.

We have sex about once a week, but that’s not good enough for him. The longer it goes between each time he gets more and more frustrated and upset. There was a time he was so upset that he punched a hole in one of our doors, and it had barely been a week. He’s not understanding to anything going on that could be affecting our sex life. Our daughter had RSV two weeks ago, and then I got very sick. Because of that, it was about a week and a half or so between sex. He blew up last night saying I should be having sex with my husband and if I don’t start he’s going to get “sick and depressed”. I also lost a family member unexpectedly a couple months ago that has affected my mental health a bit.

His behavior includes getting self conscious. One day out of no where, I was going into the bathroom to go #2 and had my phone. I always like to read in there just like any other normal person and it wasn’t anything different for me. He proceeded to ask why I was taking my phone in the bathroom and took it right out of my hands. This blew my mind and I asked for it back, saying there’s no reason I shouldn’t be permitted to read my phone in my own bathroom. He blew up saying my response was evidence that I was being nervous and unfaithful. What??? He eventually apologized for this but it was crazy. I also have a business trip I have to do in January out of state, and my husband says he has to go with me to make sure “nothing happens”.

One of the biggest reasons I say our sex life is affected is because he never goes to bed with me at night. He’s a gamer and plays every night until 2am even when he works the next day. I’ve explained multiple times that I think it would be very helpful if he went to bed with me and that I’m lonely doing so, but his games are more important. It’s been like this for years with no change.

He would never physically harm me, but his behavior makes me uncomfortable. I have to tell him no multiple times when he initiates sex and I don’t want it. He told me I had to go to the doctor to get medicated for my sex drive. I honestly am not sure if this is really the case or not, but told him I would look into it.

At this point I am really considering therapy for myself and starting there. I’m struggling with the pressures of work, being a good mother, pleasing my husband, and dealing with my family’s recent loss. I’m hoping this helps me in some ways and gives me more clarity.