I feel so unattached. May be a trigger for some!

I'm going to sound so selfish right now but I need to get this off my mind I have no one to talk to about this in my life.

I'm pregnant again 6 months pp. I was on birth control and using condoms and still got pregnant. I was so disappointed when I found out. I know "there are people who can't have kids and your bitching".

I thought now that I'm at 7 weeks I'd feel better about this pregnancy but I'm not I'm dreading evry moment of it. I pretend it's not real.

How can I feel like this about my own baby when I lost one last year at 10 weeks. I was a mess when I miscarried. I got pregnant soon after that and had my daughter in May. It was hard when I was pregnant with her but I was so grateful that I was able to get another chance. But here I am hating my life.

Why am I feeling like this. I feel horrible that I feel like this I feel selfish and ashamed and disappointed in myself. Why can't I be happy. Why can't I be grateful. Will I still feel this way when he or she is born. Will I be able to bond with him/her.

I could never personally have a abortion. No judgement on people who have but I just couldn't do it.

Sorry if this offends anyone. It just been on my mind heavily.