I'm cross posting this to try to reach as many people as I can.

I've been FREAKING OUT since last night and even had a panic attack. My mind can't stop racing and I just don't know what this means for my relationship going forward.

I am neurotic regarding cleanliness and minimizing contamination during outbreaks, so I trust myself not to spread the virus to myself. However, it's scaring me that he can now potentially spread it to me in other places if he's not careful. Is that even how this works!? I'm seriously so lost and scared right now and feel like my relationship as I know it is over.

I also feel so guilty because I always stay away from my boyfriend during outbreaks in order to not infect him, so I don't know how this happened and don't know what to do now.

We don't use condoms and he frequently ejaculates in me as I have an IUD. We're planning on moving in together soon and have talked about children etc etc so this is something I plan to be in for the long haul and the thought of having to use condoms for the rest of our lives if he can infact transmit HSV-1 to me genitally- during sex or via semen- is heartbreaking. I personally feel like using condoms will take away from the intimacy we've grown accustomed to and also makes me wonder how to go about having children in the future. Also TMI but if his semen were to get on my face or other body parts, do I now have to worry about contracting herpes in those locations?

I know I probably sound ridiculous but I just have no idea how this works 🤦🏻‍♀️😭