For six months, I have been trying to figure out what happened to me.

I was 18 at the time, and he was 27. We were seeing each other casually for two months when the incident happened. His version of foreplay was me grinding on top of him while we both don't have anything on. When that was happening, his penis slid into me. I do not have sex without a condom, and he knew that, but he doesn't like condoms, and he would always try to convince me not to use them. Anyways, he decided to look surprised, then smirked and shoved his penis in further. I couldn't speak or move. He asked if I wanted to stop while keeping the smirked face while he slid in more and asked if it felt good. He saw me tense up and waited for a minute then said, well, I'll take it out since you don't know. I still don't know what went on that night. After that incident, he would be "sleeping" and start shoving my face towards his rentals and kept saying suck me, baby, suck me hard. I kept trying to fight and tried to wake him up, but he kept doing it. After trying again, he "woke up," and it seemed to take, and he said it wasn't, and he said he was sorry and pouted. A month passed after that incident I had sex with him with a condom because he gave in and I did it willing that time which makes this such a gray area. He always made me seem very uneasy, but I was also scared to leave him. He would take his aggression out on me all the time. He made my stomach feel anxious, and I felt like he was always lying about everything he kept telling me. He would say to me elaborate unbelievable stories, but they didn't sound real, or something wouldn't add up. I want your opinion on all this is. What do you think this is? It's a peculiar area on if it was sexual assault or abusive or anything else it could be. Let me know what you think it is because I want to figure out what it is.