Any psychologists on here? I have this recurring thought/daydream about being diagnosed with a terminal illness like cancer or being in a bad accident. It's like part of me wishes I'd get sick or hurt so that those around me (like my bf and my parents and roommates and siblings) would have to be a bit more gentle with me, or possibly appreciate their time with me more. I also have this underlying feeling of wanting to die, although I know I'd never commit suicide.

I know it's a horrible thought to have. I do see a therapist but I'm even afraid to bring this up to him because I KNOW how terrible this thought is and I AM grateful for my good health. And of course I would never wish sickness or death upon anyone but I do often wish that it would happen to me. Does anyone else ever experience this or possibly have some insight as to why I may feel like this so often?

I would like to remain anonymous so I will edit the post to respond to comments. I apologize in advance if I post this in the wrong group, not sure what category this fits into. Thank you for reading.