Grandparents babysit but are disinterested?

Question

Sorry if this is long but I need a sanity check...
My mom and my MIL alternate watching my two girls ( 2.5 and 6mo) at their own homes. I drop them off in the morning, pick them up, pack food, etc. Before I had the second baby they each watched her two days a week. 
When I was on maternity leave they would each come to my house one day a week to “help” with the older one but they both pretty much backed off most help. They never offered to help with the new baby and each time they came over it was me catering to them like they were company. My mom in particular would take off many weeks and go on various vacations and not really ever ask about the kids.  My dad made comments to me saying “well you need to learn how to raise 2 kids” and my mom has made other similar comments. (I’m an only child FYI) when I would ask if mom planned on coming over during the week at all. 
When I went back to work after the second I went back part time and now they alternate watch the girls 1day/ 2 days each week. My mom made it very clear that when I pick them up from work I am to go straight to her house and get them and not to make any stops along the way. ( I work 8 hr days and both kids take at least 2-4 hrs of naps through the day). 
They only see them on the days they watch them and they make me feel terrible for it but then they say how much they love watching them. I’m so confused. I only have them watch my kids because to me it was important for them to have a special relationship with their grandparents. 
Am I crazy for feeling like they are disinterested in their granddaughters? I know they watch them during the week but I don’t really feel like I have support..

Answer

If they seem disinterested, find someone to come to your house and save yourself time and stress. You’re not asking the world from them and you are raising your kids, so i don’t see what their issue is.

Answer

A grandparents job is to be a grandparent, not a babysitter. Yeah. My mom gets my son once in a while but your expectations are too high. Just hire a sitter

Answer

I don’t think that it sounds as though your “expecting” their help, it’s just because they are the grandmothers you deep inside feel that they would want to help because it also means seeing/spending time with your girls. It is our job as a parent to raise our kids and provide, but wanting or needing help isn’t wrong! Everyone has different views but I think I understand you

Answer

I’m sure they love your kids but it sounds like maybe the arrangement isn’t really working as hoped. Can you find another child care solution and let them go back to just being grandparents? It will certainly cost but sounds like it would be worth the investment to recover the relationship both between grandparent and grandchildren and between you and them.

Answer

Maybe you should consider daycare.
A lot of times I have noticed grandparents are much less "grandparenty" if they are basically raising their grandchildren. I am not saying that is what is happening but that may be how they feel.

Answer

It sounds like maybe having more than one kid to babysit is just too stressful for them to handle so they don’t really want to do it anymore.

Answer

It’s hard for a grandparent to have fun being a grandparent when it becomes a job. The best part is being able to spoil the girls and it’s hard to do when they see them so often! And I wouldn’t take them not calling as a bad thing. They have lives, they can love their grandkids without calling everyday.

Answer

I paid a nanny 4 days a week and MIL watched for free one day a week. It would have been easier on me to use the nanny all five days but I figured all babies deserve some grandma time even if she wasn’t the most reliable re scheduling or most modern of babysitter. It’s par for the course when using family as routine sitter—- there will be some trade offs.

Answer

I'm going to have to agree with a lot of the other commenters. They are grandparents, not babysitters. They should be able to enjoy their grandchildren without having to worry about being available to watch your kids because you depend on it. As much as I'm sure they love your kids, it probably seems more like a chore for them. I don't know if you pay them? If not, that is definitely a high expectation to have them be available multiple days a week. It may be turning into resentment. And you mentioned they travel. They probably want to have the freedom to enjoy their opportunities to travel. They sound like they're trying to say "we did our time raising kids, now it's your turn to raise yours." It's one thing to babysit for the occasional date night or special occasion. It's another to expect them to provide reliable childcare like it was a job (for free if you are not compensating them financially).

Answer

There is a difference...if you think they are watching them and they think they are just hanging out having grabsparent time then theres a disconnect. “Watching them” insinuates helping you take care of them and having grandparent time is much less “helpful”. I’m not sure if i articulated that very well so it might not make sense. 
I had this conversation with my mom- she says when she comes over, its to see the baby & spend time with him & shes not there to babysit as she doesnt believe in babysitting her own grandchild. And i dont want her to feel like a babysitter. i plan on putting baby in family group daycare once i go back to work & baby will have one or 2 grandma days a week.

Grandparents babysit but are disinterested?

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