Please read everything.

Let’s start with the fact that my boyfriend has 3 younger brothers in total. One is 19, the other is 17 and the youngest is 12. When I was a few months pregnant, my boyfriend had found out through his mother that his 17 y/o brother sexually abused the 12 y/o maybe 5/7 years ago? The mom found out when the 17 y/o was going to therapy bc he was already fucked in the head with other issues and told his therapist about what he did to the 12 y/o which the therapist told the mom. The mom kicked him out and reported it to the police and was he arrested or that’s what at least the mom told my boyfriend. They lived in Utah at the time (Spring/Summer2019) and we live in California. Later on, he’s released or whatever and moves back to my boyfriend’s family. They moved homes, the 17 y/o was told to stay in the living room and not to go near the youngest brother. So after that, all was forgotten.

BUT not by me. I overthink things and I’m going to tell you why before you tell me that’s their family

business and it’s they’re decision on what they decide to do because it also will affect my future with my family.

So as a child, I myself was sexually abused by a family member. It scarred me, but then again who wouldn’t? Never went to therapy, considering it though and yes, I know it can help me. But I will get to therapy one day. Trust.

In August 2019 they moved to California, about two hours away from us. My child was born 10/2019. I told my boyfriend to tell his family to come visit us in the hospital so his parents could meet their first grandchild from their marriage (they have other kids from different marriages). I didn’t think the 17 y/o would come, but he did. I was so uncomfortable and I am to this day and you know why. Because he sexually abuse the youngest brother.

I told my boyfriend I never want the baby near his brother, alone with her, to change her diaper, change her clothes or even carry her. My boyfriend hasn’t told his parents that I know everything, so he hasn’t told them my wishes. I told him that I want to prevent anything that could occur in the future bc I’m so scared that the 17 y/o will do something to her. I explained to my boyfriend that I don’t want one day to see the light in our daughter’s eyes to be gone just because something disgusting happens to her. I know I might be overthinking or overreacting because it happened to me and most importantly the 17 y/o did already to the you fest brother.

I don’t know what to do because the parents try to have the 17 y/o carry her, but I don’t want him too. Sometimes I don’t even feel like visiting my boyfriend’s family for that sole reason, the 17 y/o brother. But we only go once a month bc it’s his family and it’s only fair since we live with mine intermediate family and occasionally visit my extended like once or twice a month.

I want to tell my boyfriend again how I feel about his brother, but I know he most likely won’t do anything since he hasn’t already and I also want to tell him my experience of being sexually abuse by a family member, but no one even knows that. Not even my own parents. But I feel if I do tell him, he’ll understand a little more, but I doubt he’ll do anything either way.

I can stand my ground and tell his family not to kiss my daughter because she doesn’t have all her shots or that’s the excuse I have now bc I seriously think it’s gross to have people kiss a baby that can’t tell them no and bc babies have died from being kissed, but I can’t tell them that I don’t want the 17 y/o brother near my daughter or me.

What can I do? Does anyone have a similar experience?

I

I don’t know what to do.