I wanted so badly to be a mom who could breastfeed their baby until they were 1 year old. I wanted my body to be able to do what it was meant to do. Before my son was born I actually started to produce a little colostrum and I was so excited, I thought I was on the right track.

My son was born c- section after getting stuck at 28 hours of labor but every bit of pain and exhaustion melted away when he was placed on my chest. He latched right away and I thought everything was going smoothly. However, no one tells you how stressful the hospital stay is after you give birth. Not only are you trying to heal, but you're doing so with nurses and doctors coming in every few hours...

the baby needing changing...

Baby needing to nurse...

You needing to eat..

but wait you need to pump every 2 hours...

But stay in bed with compression leg wraps attached to your legs...

Need to take your blood pressure...

change your monstrous pad that's leaking everywhere...

Oh its time to pump again...

hey your familie's here without any warning...

On top of all of that my son had moderate jaundice so no matter how often I pumped and nursed him he needed more so we had to formula feed him to supplement. I was crushed. I felt like a failure from the start. Luckily after about 2 weeks he was back to normal and gaining weight. I was nursing him and pumping between feedings to keep my supply up. I think the most I could get from 1 side was 4oz and that was after about 4-6 hours. We were still supplementing but only when running errands or when he was at his grandparents'.

Fast forward a few months and with his growing appetite we had to use more and more formula but I still pumped what I could. At 6 months now I can only get 2oz from BOTH sides at most. I am so heartbroken. I have tried EVERYTHING!! Fenugreek supplements, drink powders, water up to my nose, pumping every 2 hours, skin to skin. Nothing has helped. I don't know what to do.

Is my body telling me that Im done breastfeeding? Id hate to lose that bond my son and I have when he wakes in the middle of the night and I nurse him to sleep with what little I can make. That's when I feel the most helpful, useful, functional.

I wish my body worked like it was made to :'(

Has anyone else gone through this?