I feel like it is happening again

I have been cramping so bad this morning. And it is 4w4d... same day as my first miscarriage. I have been getting darker and darker lines but my line today was lighter than yesterday’s. I know my urine was lighter today but I with the cramps and my luck of having 3 MCs already.... I just can’t do this.

I would rather die than keep going through all of this. How do we keep going?