I don't understand

I do not understand how i am 21 and going threw the things i am. I honestly think I've hit rock bottom on a new level. I have a 3 month daughter i have been taking care of on my own for the last month because her father has been in the hospital. I went back to work just to find out im getting laid off my daughter had cought RSV and was in the hospital for the weekend. My funds are running extremely low and i just don't understand what i did for all of this to happen. My child is everything and im trying to make steps to improve our life like applying for unemployment for housing and doing whatever i can to support us. Im mad at her father even though i know he didn't want what happened to him happen, im still angry because he left us. He shouldn't have been on the road with a dirt bike in the middle of December he should have been working on his car or should have watched our daughter another night i just feel as though his actions lead to such a horrible time. He missed her first thanksgiving on his own doing and then was forced to miss her first Christmas new years and maybe even Valentine. Im mad because im alone. Im doing this by myself and i never asked for this. He left us. He was supposed to come home and he didn't. Maybe that just the hurt coming out but i miss him an im upset he's not around im so worried our daughter wont even recognize him when she sees him again im scared for how his mentality gonna be when he comes home from missing so much of her first few months. I swear everyday that he's not here i find more and more out and i feel as though I don't know him like i thought i did. I've tried to make mends with people in his life only to regret doing such because in the end my gut was right about them. I'm struggling so much mentally physically financially. Im just at my witts end. I truly hope that i get some good news soon because idk how much more i can handle