I don’t know what else to do 😔

I’m feeling so defeated lately. My son will be 8 months old next week, and since he was born I have stayed at home with him.

I’m so thankful we are able for me to do that. I’m working on my masters and I do other little side gigs, watch him, and our little girl is due in June. I was a teacher before he was born. I was able to socialize everyday and maybe that’s what made such a difference.

These last few weeks I have been in this huge funk. I don’t know where else to go or who to talk to. I thought maybe because our babies are all close to the same age it might be a type of “leap” for mommies and y’all may have had some experience in this area. 😅

All jokes aside, y’all I love my husband. So dearly. We have been together over 8 years. High school sweethearts. Things have been TOUGH the last year. We’ve moved twice, both changed careers, went from two incomes to one, had a baby, and now we are 20 weeks pregnant with another.

I feel so...invisible lately. I don’t expect much of him around the house, like..he works all day so I don’t expect him to come home and clean/do laundry etc. But like today, he was off half the day and I had paint for the nursery. He basically said “good luck” and left. My mom came and watched our son and helped me paint. Same thing when I went to put together our son’s baby bed months ago. It wasn’t a huge job, but there are certain things you’d just think he’d offer to help with? Like as a dad? I don’t know..maybe I’m asking too much. It feels like anytime I ask him to help with something it’s such an inconvenience for him. He’s got so many other things he “needs” to be doing. He’s a college coach (out of season right now) so he’s just got workouts twice a week and he teaches one class on Tuesday and Thursday.

I care completely for our 8 month old. Baths, diapers, food, everything. Even when he’s home. Now my classes have started back and I don’t know if I’m taking on too much or if I’m just completely alone in dealing with it.

I know this came across as super whiny and needy, which usually is not me at all. He has asked me what’s wrong and today I finally told him I just wasn’t going to even ask for his help anymore. I just feel so alone.. I’m so nervous to have another baby and have double everything to do basically by myself. I keep breaking down about it when I’m alone. It feels so selfish to show that to anyone because I know so many people are trying desperately to have babies. Sorry y’all I know that was long. I guess i just needed to get some thoughts out and see if there’s anyone out there who can relate/help..