*Sad Post-FYI

I went in for my 12 week appointment yesterday so excited. I was supposed to be taking the genetic NIPT test and be able to know the baby’s sex within a week. We got to the back room and he checked for the heartbeat. Unable to find it he switched machines. We were still unsuccessful and switched to the vaginal US. My darkest fears were confirmed that baby had no heartbeat and had passed. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain and sadness I would endure. Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? I kept blaming myself. The worst part is that hubby skipped this appointment because he had a conference call. It was supposed to be an easy checkup with some bloodwork. Prior to this, baby had a healthy heartbeat of 155 at 7 1/2 weeks. My doctor was shocked to find out that baby wasn’t alive. He told me it was a silent miscarriage since I had no bleeding or warning signs. My doctor gave me two possible causes.

1. Baby had significant chromosomal issues/DNA problems

2. I may have some clotting issues.

The latter is least likely, but he is running tests on me to completely rule out this option.

I have to get a D&C tomorrow to completely remove the baby from my uterus. I’m beyond horrified. This was my first pregnancy and now first miscarriage. I know this happens to so many women, but why do I feel so alone? I’m so happy to see all the women who have happy and healthy pregnancies and I hope one day soon I can be that person too.