Repressed memories

This can get real deep, dark, and depressing. May be a trigger warning for some. Can people actually repress memories from their childhood to protect their (I guess) heart/sanity? Wtf is the right word?

And can therapists actually help you bring that back? Like they do on tv/movies...I’m not talking about a year or two. I’m talking about their WHOLE childhood. My SO wants me to see someone about it but I know we can’t afford it right now. My sister thinks it’s better if I try not to remember my childhood at all and bring back those awful memories.

I can remember ONE memory from my childhood that was traumatic to me. And I feel like it left me with a lot of issues. I can’t remember the whole experience which is why I’ve never reported it because of fear of people not believing me since I don’t really remember. I remember the scene, what happened, and me trying to run away to my moms room. I don’t remember the day, year, the conversation, how old I was etc.) the rest of my childhood is a blank to me. I know this experience affected me in a bad way. And even now I am worrying about my mental state. I think about it every once in a while but I try to push through and think of other things..

When I say I am worried about my mental state..I would never harm myself or try to commit suicide as I have children and a baby growing in me. But it brings me to a very dark place. And I did try to commit suicide/ and self harmed when I was younger literally every day. I don’t want to get back to that place one day. And I’m not sure what to do.

I have the post anonymous for now but I may reply to comments