Pregnancy is fun... not

First of all, I'm so so so glad and grateful for being pregnant. I've had two miscarriages prior to this, and I'm so happy, anxious, scared, hopeful and in love with the fact that I'm currently pregnant again and that I've reached the second trimester. All I want and all I hope for is, that I can bring this little one home with me in July. I'm not religious, but if I would be, I think I would be praying all day every day.

But let me tell you, I do not always enjoy the pregnancy. I'm either constipated or have diarrhea, I'm gagging all the time when I brush my teeth, throw something in the trash, or when my husband comes home after working out and doesn't smell that fresh, you know what I mean. Just can't help it. Sometimes my belly hurts so bad from gas and constipation, I can't find a position where I'm not like "outch, get this gas out of me". And I start developing hemorrhoids.. My face looks like I'm a teenager again, full of acne, no pregnancy glow whatsoever. My hair is falling out and not getting thicker.. I've never had much problems with morning sickness, but for the last few days I get this occasional nausea that catches me right when I don't need it.

And on top of that I'm constantly worried, that I'm loosing this one too. I cry most days because I'm so scared, that on my next appointment doc will tell me the heart stopped beating. And it is over 3 weeks away.. I just can't enjoy it and all the uncomfortable symptoms don't make it easier. But of course: I will go through all of this and more if that means I get to keep this little rainbow.

Sometimes I even allow myself to be happy, to be hopeful, to even plan or imagine how it will be to have him or her in my arms.

It's not fun to be pregnant with a rainbow, it's a roller-coaster..