hi, so i found i was pregnant about a week ago, by a guy i have been in an on and off toxic relationship with since august 2018. we had broke up for good before i found out, i decided i was settling for less with him and finally found the strength to leave. then when i found out i was pregnant of course i wanted to work things out and possibly start with a friendship that could turn into a relationship so i could have a family for my baby, but that night i found out i was pregnant i caught him having sex with another girl in the back of a car. that BROKE my heart. i have been hurt so many times before by him but seeing that took it to a new level of distraught. a few days later i find out he got a different girl pregnant and he was trying to force me to get an abortion, i even made an appointment and we were going to go, but my parents asked me what i really wanted and they knew since i found out i wanted to keep my baby. continue on, the girl messages me on how she’s 5 months pregnant his family knows and is so excited and how they’re moving in together blah blah blah. and when i confronted him he said he knew she was pregnant when he was messing with me. that further destroyed me. sent me into a panic attack ( i work in a er though and the nurses there were super helpful in calming me down, i was shaking and had to be put on oxygen cause i got really dizzy and couldn’t breathe right ). i’ve been going through so much stress and heart ache and i can’t hold it together anymore. i cry all the time, itsokay to hurt. it’s okay to cry. i’m learning to let it out, to be hurt. realized i can only go through my pain and not around. i’m just so distraught and heartbroken. i really do love him so much through everything ( i would NEVER be in a relationship with him again though ). he doesn’t even wanna be there for the baby, and that hurts more. i finally blocked him and all of his girls. i’m just trying to have a healthy happy pregnancy and move on but it’s so hard. these are going to feel like the longest 9 months of my life. and then when i have my baby of course i’m going to want him there and i’m going to see him in my child. i hope by that time i’m more confident in doing this alone and i’ll be over him, but rn it seems impossible.