Long post.

I was with the father of my children for 7 years. We have a two year old and a 3 month old. When I became pregnant with our first he became an alcoholic and began drinking so much he would blackout and acted like a different person who hated me. He would do and say really messed up things to me then say and act like he didn't remember the next day. I thought things would get better after our first was born but I was wrong. I live with my grandparents and he moved back in with his parents and me and our first stayed at their house with him on the weekends. And he became increasingly more violent toward me and around our son every weekend. For example, he would spit on me, pull my hair, tried to pull me off the bed by my ankles while pregnant with our second, made me do sexual acts I was uncomfortable with-no matter if I cried or yelled or anything he kept going. He threaded to hurt me with a razor while drunk, pulled knives out and stabbed holes in the walls, once I had to lock myself and my child in someone's car until the police arrived to keep us safe. All of this happened while my 2 year old was on my lap, in the room, or sleeping right beside me. He has called him a little spoiled little bitch.

Now we have a DCS case and have been going to court since August last year. I have both my Babies and their dad can only see our 2 year old for 15 min during supervised visits at McDonald's. We are not allowed to contact each other unless It's through his mother. He's only had 1 visit so far. Their father has been ordered by the judge to complete anger management, alcohol & drug assessments, counseling, mental evaluation, and parenting classes. I don't know all that he has done to complete it.

His mom is texting me things like how he has gotten a tattoo to feel closer to me, saying he's been focusing on work and trying to get back to us. She says things like I'm his good half, he feels broken and alone and I'm home to him. He pushes away help because last time he lost us. He wants to know if I still Love or care about him and if we'll be together after all of this.

I don't know what to say to her. I know that I still Love him and if it's possible I would want to be a family all of us. but I don't think I trust him it would take a while to rebuild that trust and I can't let my Babies go through that again. I don't want to go back to it being like that. And I don't know if he's really changed or completely stopped drinking.

They act like nothing happened and

I don't know what to tell her.