I'm wondering if this is something you ladies would put up with. Let me set up the scenario for you.

I have a 7 month old son. His father and I have known each other for most of our lives. Been together for 8 years. In those 8 years I allowed a lot of emotional abuse, most of it without realizing it was abuse for a long time.

I thought I was decently happy. Thought it was the best I could do.

Then I got pregnant. I was told my a doctor it would never happen, so I was beyond happy when I found out. It felt so surreal. His father and I talked about it all, how we wanted to parent, how excited we were to bring a life into the world together. We decided together that I should stay at home with our son for the first year. This was a difficult decision because I was the bread winner. I am lucky enough to have been at my job long enough where we are basically family. My boss said I can take as long as I need and I'll always have a spot there. My sons father and I figured out our finances and decided me staying home was still best for everyone. We were also both a bit scared of daycare. At least until he is a bit older.

So while we are planning our future, he starts working more and more. Thing is, he would "work" until 10pm or later some nights. Knowing he has an outdoor job and this isn't how that works. You aren't mowing lawns until 10pm. 4 nights a week.

That's not real.

Also if he was working this much, I wouldn't have needed to ask his father to buy our son formula more than a couple times. My friends would stop by and bring me food knowing he left me with none. Saying he didn't have the money but always went out to eat himself every day.

Then he started smoking pot so he would have to go to his "dealers" house. Wouldn't come home until 1am some nights. Wouldn't answer his phone when I called. Took my car so I was stuck. Then decided to turn my phone off. So here I am, stuck at home, a new mother, trying to figure it all out, with no car or phone in case of emergency. Completely alone. Wondering where the fuck he is when his son and I need him more than we ever have. On the rare nights he was home, he would be on PS4 or constantly texting. Then I realized he downloaded snapchat. Didn't say a word to me. Just another weird thing.

One day I found condoms and a bra that wasn't mine in a trash bag he pulled from his truck. So he decided to tell me he has been hanging with a group of people he met a few months ago.(Much younger than him. He is 36, they are all between 19 and 23. Mostly girls) But didn't want to tell me. Said he never slept with anyone and that he walked in on two of them having sex and that was their last condom so he bought them more. That's why one is gone. 🙄

I fucking left. I took my son and I left.

Damn near everyone I know is up my ass about how I'm wrong to do this because he never slept with anyone. Even his father is trying to say infedility is alright sometimes and even he has cheated. No. Fuck that. It's not even about that. We needed him. I needed him, his son, his family. And he was sneaking around for MONTHS, lying to me. While I begged for help. Begged for attention. begged to go to the park with our son. Get out of the house. Do fucking anything. He stripped me of everything and now I'm starting completely over.

As everyone is telling me, this is a big decision. I know it is. I won't allow this anymore. My son doesn't deserve it and neither do I.

Does it really matter if he slept with someone? It doesn't to me. (It's painfully obvious he did)

Child support is filed, asshole. See you in court.

Game over.

******************

Update:

I cannot believe how amazing you ladies are, thank you so much for all of these comments! I could use every one of these to keep me strong right now!

So since I left I have filed for child support as well as custody. I have been accepted for WIC as well as food stamps, so that will pay for formula while I get back on my feet. I have been accepted to receive cash assistance as well to get to and from work for the first month. I am taking the mandatory classes required and learning a lot! I have also been accepted for childcare through the state and have found an amazing daycare. I had no idea how many resources were out there to help me until I'm back on my feet.

My boss took me back with open arms as well as a 2 dollar raise. I've been back for 3 days now and I already feel so much more independent. I feel like myself again. That's priceless.

There are so many things to look forward to. I have taken my son to the park or on a hike every day since we left and it's been amazing. We could never do that at his dads. Could never leave the house. I cannot wait for this life with my son.

As for my friends. I've only kept 1. I decided to let everyone else know how I feel.

His father has left me many many messages. Ranging from "I'm sorry, I'll never hurt you again " to "you're a whore and I'll get full custody". I have saved every single message that matters and have not responded after my initial "please do not contact me unless its regarding our son". Once this is figured out in court, I'll be more than willing to let him be the father he wants. If he wants.

I'm ready to fight. Ready to win.

To you ladies with similar stories, be proud. This is an amazing feeling. I know it wasn't easy. I know how hard you fought. And still do.

I want you to know that I see you, truly. Keep that shit up. ❤