I’m Sorry..

Sunni

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you don’t love yourself enough. I’m sorry that you let others treat you like trash. I’m sorry you try and try and try some more to make him understand..and that he never will. I’m sorry you feel trapped. Stuck between two worlds. One a fantasy, the other reality. The fantasy is that you are happy. That he is the man you wanted him to be. That he understands and loves you unconditionally. He puts your emotions before his own. A man that opens the car door for you, holds your hand while you walk. Surprises you with roses on a Tuesday for no other reason than to see you smile. A man that sits with you and listens to you speak, even if it’s not interesting to him. One that can defend you not only in private but in public as well. The reality is that you are confused. Most days you’re happy, then others you’re sobbing on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chest. You go from having one of the best days of your life to one of the worst in a second. All the good memories start to become overflown by the bad ones. You scream and scream until you can’t anymore, begging and pleading for him to somehow understand something so misunderstood. But he can’t. He doesn’t know how. No one does. Not even yourself. So you’re trapped in this limbo confused and misunderstood, not knowing what it is that you are supposed to do. Not knowing who it is you are supposed to be. Because everyone around you doesn’t understand you. And worse...you don’t understand yourself. So I’m sorry.