Back story: We are in our mid twenties, happily married, homeowners, and we are expecting our first in less than 2 weeks. It took us a year and a half to conceive with fertility help, and were so excited to finally meet baby soon. Everything was going great. I am proud of us for doing a great job planning for this financially and emotionally etc.

Then suddenly on Monday my stepdad passed away and everything seems to be falling apart. It’s enough stress just dealing with the sudden loss of my stepdad but trying to help my mom is sending me over the edge. I love my mom and am trying to do everything I can to help her. It’s obvious that she suffers from mental illness and has never been able to keep her emotions in check. This is something I have been dealing with my whole life and I want her to be a part of my little girl’s life, but in moderation and supervised, because I never know when she’s going to talk down on me and her dad to the child behind our backs, lose her temper and curse and throw shit, or threaten to kill herself in front of the child, etc. because that’s the kind of stuff she does. She means well and loves me and baby but creates a toxic environment for anyone she is around too much. At the same time, she is still my mom. She raised me and sacrificed so much over the years.

I just don’t want my daughter growing up the way I did. I had a lot of emotional problems growing up due to both my parents and with the help of my husband, I am doing a lot better now, but still have a ways to go. I want my daughter to be happy, in a stable, nurturing environment, unlike I was. So she can learn to cope with life’s problems in a healthy way.

Anyway, with the loss of her husband, she is crazier than her usual self, which is understandable. I want to help her, I really do. I am trying to spend a lot of time with her now. But she keeps trying to guilt trip me to offer her a place to stay.. my stepdad did not have good life insurance and she collects social security but that’s not enough for her to be independent long term. And she is used to middle/upper middle class lifestyle. She has too many health problems to return to work and is in her upper 60s.

Btw Her sister offered her a room in her house several hours away but my mom was stubborn and said no. So it’s not like I’m the only option. And my husband already said no way she can move in but I just feel so guilty leaving her hanging. If we even offer just a temporary place to stay that would be awful because it probably would end up becoming permanent and there would be soooo much fighting in the house.