I communicated to my boyfriend that I am having a problem trusting him, and that our relationship doesn’t feel the same. I told him how I was honestly feeling with all the pregnancy, dealing with his mom and my mom, and the feeling of being useless because I’m struggling to find a job during this pregnancy. Then I’m scared of hitting rock bottom after the baby is born because I struggle with depression and anxiety. So I try to just journal whenever I feel low. I refuse to take medication for it because I know that would just be a bad idea for me.

I let him know that I didn’t want to feel this way.

I know your body goes through changes and I just felt really ugly with a pregnant body. I felt unattractive and I have told him all of this. I say I’m fat, but he says it’s just the pregnancy and that I’m not fat. I was being honest with myself. Last time I tried building myself up my mother tore me down. My mom said she only says it out of love.

I’ve asked him why he stays when I have these issues going on. To be honest my mom made it seem like I was unlovable. So I’m constantly questioning if I am to him by asking why does he love me or want to be with me. I know love isn’t just words it’s actions. I do wish he’d give me a compliment every now and then. Just to hear a compliment would be nice, but I haven’t told him because I want it to be genuine. He does say I have a fat ass 😅 but like compliments on things other than my ass.

Before any suggest therapy, there aren’t any available in my area to take new patients. So I just journal as a part of therapy to ease emotional pain.