Why are MIL’s so difficult?

Question

Why do you think 90% of MIL’s are so difficult? Is it because it’s the next closest person who feels like they are our own mother and have the authority to treat us bad? Or is it because they’re protective of their son and purposely treats us terribly because we’re not identical to them? I honestly hate my MIL, and everything about her. It’s almost 6 in the morning, I’m 30 weeks pregnant and I can’t sleep because the thought of my MIL makes my blood boil. This is even after moving 3,000 miles away from her. 😫

Answer

Let me explain it to you. Most husbands are absent or those that are around are giving zero emotional support or love, someone to talk to etc. their sons take the place of their husband. They depend on them for everything and they treat them like Kings often telling them that no one will love you more than your mother which also stems for why men treat women horribly like they are a dime a dozen.  But back to the mother in law situation. She’s got her mama’s boy that is does everything for her and loves her and is her emotional support and financially some times too. Now you come along and ruin her perfect world. In essence you are the home wrecker and she resents you for taking her baby away, her husband, her unconditional love and often life support system. You are ruining the balance of nature in her eyes. You are rocking her world and disrupting it. You took away her “husband “ ya get where I’m going. And thus is resentful, hates you for trying to replace her and wedge her out of the picture for trying to make him think differently than what she’s programmed in him. Family is one of the biggest reasons for divorce. Then interfering. Trying to tell you how to raise your kids. Then siding with their family over you. Coming over whenever they feel like it. And you having the nerve to “set boundaries or turn my son against me” whether they control their son with love, guilt or manipulation, they get their way and and he does whatever to keep her happy like a good husband would do, and now you have ruined that and you interfere and it’s you vs her and he feels guilty and sides with her. Now you are mad at him and will only tolerate so much because he won’t man up and say something and thus divorce happens or you cut her off. Get it. It’s a tough situation. Hard to find a balance. Once in a blue moon an ultimatum will make them wake up and cut the crap. Or empty promises and right back to square one. If it’s not the mother in law then it’s the baby mama or ex wife or ex girlfriend interfering or someone not over the other etc. or step kids that hate you because they see you as the reason their parents aren’t together. Everyone has someone or something to deal with. Good luck.

Answer

My mother in law is just a bitter, narcissistic person in general so that's why she's awful.
I'd like to say she saw my husband as the man of the house and that's why she hates I took him away, but frankly she treated him horribly anyway so it's not like him moving out cost her anything.
In my person opinion, she dislikes me because I opened up my husband's eyes to how badly they were treating him.

Answer

Sometimes, MIL’s aren’t given the chance. Sometimes we don’t see they love us, love their child, love our children like their own and we see them as the enemy or someone trying to infiltrate and overstep. Yes, there are plenty of cases of crazy family but I’ve seen plenty of times where that isn’t the case and it’s more of a misunderstanding. 
Someday, YOU will be the mother in law. Think about how you want to be treated and try having a relationship with your partners mom. If you give it a real try and it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. 
When I first met my in laws I didn’t know how to handle them. I had a very different relationship with my family, I grew up without love and happiness- it was hard for me to let them in. It took me a while to realize they loved ME and the kids more than anything. My MIL was trying to help and I couldn’t always see that. When I realized that, shit was a lot easier. They became my parents.
What does your MIL do that bothers you? Maybe it can be resolved.

Answer

Imagine living with her on daily basis like me. Seen it all from childish tantrums for something stupid to her smashing plates on floor. Now she is in non talking not interacting phase because i did not cook when she wanted me to cook even though the fridge was full with food from previous day. My SO tried to reason with her and turned into creaming match. Her second full time job is going on holly crusade to turn me into "the perfect domestic goddess". Never mind this is not who i want to be or who i am naturally. Count your blessing and be happy she is thousand of miles away so you can actually avoid her. Many MILs want to control everybody and everything and they see themselves old enough and wise enough to rule us the grown up kiddies with iron fist. Mine likes everything done in an exact way God forbid it was not the hell breaks loose in the house. I guess i am the foster child with perceived even worse upbringing so the reconditioning is hard core and full on.

Answer

My husband is the middle son, and growing up was the rebellious one therefore was her least favorite and she definitely made it known. As he got older, and I met him, he’s tried to make up by financially, and mentally taking care of all of her needs without asking and definitely without her deserving. All 3 of her kids are married now, her older daughter in law is a force to be reckoned with, she has yelled and screamed at the MIL. The younger son in law, also is very out spoken and will put the MIL in place when needed. But me, I’m very quiet and I cry myself to sleep if she upsets me and thus, she picks on me the most and my husband. She’s been arrested 2 times and we’ve always bailed her out, we’ve been taking care of all her bills and living expenses for 6 years, bought her a new car and she still talks so much shit about us. However, she has horrible luck. People owe her money, people demanding money from her, things happening and to her, she doesn’t understand why “she’s such a good person and bad things keeps happening” but in reality it’s karma.

Why are MIL’s so difficult?

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