I have a pretty shit start in life from around birth to age 2 . I lived with my mother and that woman is a nightmare. She would abuse me , leave me in the night to party, all sorts of fkd up things 😬... however my amazing grandparents took me in at age 2 and raised me all the way til adult. But for some reason,, those first couple years remain in my head , I’m thankful for the way life did turn out where I was raised by absolutely terrific people and I was loved so much!! I turned out pretty decent compared to what could have been ... but anyways,, bc of the traumatic time in my 1st couple years, I have ALWAYS had very vivid real dreams , more so than not, nightmares. Well ever since being pregnant they have gotten worse . Almost turning into night terrors! I dream of ALL the things that truly scare me, if you can understand being left is one big one bc it happened all the time ... well, my husband is just amazing.. he does everything for me day in and day out. Bends over backwards to put a smile on my face he’s the sweetest and he would never ever hurt me, I even have full access to his phone ANYTIME although I never go through it bc I trust him. We have an amazing relationship and all but for some reason ,, I always dream he’s leaving or he’s met someone better .. I don’t understand why bc we have a wonderful bond . I’m so sad when I wake up I just want to cuddle him and never get out of bed . He’s held me countless times trying to make me understand he is mine now and forever but my brain just refuses to believe it. My heart knows, but my brain is like “lolz nah” idk why I’m posting, I guess to let it out . Hubby is in bed asleep and I’m out here crying, again. Thanks mom, for all the trust issues you’ve given me . I try to push that part away but sometimes it sssms impossible