I convince myself every now and again that a month is different and I’ll feel hopefully.. and I kinda feel dumb when I do this and more so now than ever.. I find myself looking at maternity clothes on thredup and imagining telling my husband and family.. but like why it’s all so much wasted effort.

I’m 4dpo, month 20.. I think.. kinda losing count.. this month I had EWCM for the first time since idk probably 2017. It started on 8dpo and TMI was a long strand coming out of me, haven’t experienced that since before we started trying. Anywho, we baby danced that day and the day I received peak on CB advanced digital. After baby dancing on peak day when I wiped I was spotting. It wasn’t rough baby dancing and I don’t spot after sex normally, I know some people do but I never do not even if it is a little rough. Anywho, I spotted until the next day, only when I wiped. So I took it as ovulation spotting 🤷🏽‍♀️ which I never have. The day after ovulation my boobs were soooo sore and have continued to get increasingly sore. I’ve had this in the past but haven’t in a while (especially on Clomid cycles) a couple cycles ago. I’m now having pelvic cramping and bloating. All normal stuff and doesn’t indicate pregnancy because it’s too early.. but the CM and spotting have me so hopeful but I just feel stupid for thinking this month is any different.. I read that after 18-20 cycles TTC with unexplained fertility the chances of conception without intervention is only 5% each cycle 😔 I tried Clomid for two months with trigger and although everything looked great we still didn’t conceive.. I’m worried <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> will be a waste and we just aren’t mentally prepared for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> right now.. but idk if you read this far thank you for listening to me vent..