My entire life I’ve always been a bit plus sized, I’m not complaining as I do love my body it helped me give birth to my lovely 1 y/o but with my first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend of 11 months idk how to feel about myself.

He is a hyper sexual person, always has been. He’d have a whole second profile dedicated to following porn stars and followed a ton on his Twitter and Snapchat and would mostly have pages of previous porn videos open without closing them in case he wanted to watch them again. So after all that I still though he could somehow love me. I’m not toned or anything and I have some rolls and a FUPA from my son left over. But no matter what he says about me being beautiful, I look nothing like he shows heavy interest in. Every pornstar or model are the kind who’s bodies could look amazing in literally anything or nothing. Who wear makeup to the gods and hair/weave/wigs to just envy. BUT he tells me he prefers girls who have more on them, and have natural hair (doesn’t even include me straightening mine, he doesn’t like that), and most of all NO makeup. The polar opposite of what he obsesses over, literally to this day. How can I believe him when that’s all he’ll look at with the excuse it’s not like any of these girls would be into me OR why are you being insecure? Every conversation about it would make him mad or just say screw it I believe you. And go on some tangent over how I’m getting what I want. Now I don’t care that he looks at the stuff just don’t try and have me look at your phone with you if after you scroll I’m going to see a funny post then 1-3 half naked women and repeat. I’ve given up arguing and let him do why he wants because I’m over the effects the argument has between us.

But the overall struggle is it’s made me lose interest in having sex with him. I don’t want to anymore because he’ll finish first and then I’m left without any resolution. By that I mean he’ll literally get really close then he’ll finish and leave me on edge. We aren’t doing much for Valentine’s Day and I know he has some hopes over me dressing up and etc but I don’t feel beautiful or anything so idk. Should I? The picture below is something he’s never seen and idk if I even want to. I look like a sausage casing.