Im stressing about this already and im only 13 weeks along.

I desperately want a girl. I have a boy he is wonderful and we have a great relationship. But this time around i want a girl. And i feel very strongly about it and it has to do with my relationship with my own mom. Or lack there of. She abandoned me a long time ago. Even when she was around she was on drugs. I had a very rough childhood with her. And i find myself craving a mother daughter relationship that i never had. And i KNOW logically this really doesnt make any sense but i cant shake it. And im stressing out about it because i know if its a boy, at first, my reaction may be. Disappointment. I may cry. And i dont want to. A baby boy will be so wonderful as well, after 2 years of trying and having had miscarriages in the past i know theres no way i wouldnt love my baby. But i cant shake this feeling.

Ugh i think i could benefit from some therapy🥴😂 .