Im just an emotional wreck right now. Im angry at everything in my life. Im just so fucking mad and irritated, that I feel guilty for feeling like this and it has me in tears. I literally just want to destroy this room that Im caged in, after just cleaning it. Ive yelled at my kids cause they're just being harder than usual, making more messes than usual! Im suppose to go visit my husband who I fucking hate at the moment for letting me deal with all this shit alone! I keep trying to validate my feelings but I cant get past how im constantly allowing them to control me! I keep telling myself that its not okay to feel like this which is making me feel worse! I dont even want to be pregnant cause I feel like I cant handle it. I want to be alone right now. I want to run and hide from myself and everybody around! And it makes me mad cause I cant, that my husband ALWAYS does when he feels like this which resulted in him being taken to jail! I hate how he gets to up and do shit and I have to be responsible! But if I try it, Im a bad mom. God forbid I have a bad day and I feel guilty for having one and feeling like this!!

I keep telling myself its cause im not smoking anymore that Im letting my emotions get the best of me. But I needed to stop! I keep trying to give myself credit for what Ive done and been doing but I cant. Im just over today and its barely noon...