Waiting for the light

I know I can’t be the only one who feels the hole in your heart grow a little bigger when you don’t get your period, and you know it’s not for the reasons you want it to be... no period, no ovulation. No ovulation, no conception.

I’ve been fighting back this urge to lose it for the past few days because I had hope that it would come.. 2 days late, still some hope, maybe it’s just a bit behind. 4 days late, still little hope it’ll show this month. Now, 8 days late, and I’m giving into my sadness. I hate this waiting game of; will i, or will I not? Am I going to be able to try again this month, or am I going to have to wait again? And that hardest part, I’m suppose to be taking progesterone to help BOOST my chances, but those don’t work until I actually GET my period... I must say, trying to convince has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I thought it was suppose to be simple? But of course, the ones that usually want it the most, it never comes that easy. I know that’s suppose to make it all the more worth while when it does happen, but I’m just wondering when I’ll be able to see the light in all of this. The heartache, the dread, the longing, and the aching, it takes a toll. I’m just tired. And I just need a little assurance that I’m not the only one that feels this way... every single one of my friends, or family, have all had no issues with getting pregnant. Then getting pregnant again. A little hard to try to talk to someone about something that you ache for, but was simple joy for them...